I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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