If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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