I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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