I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
