Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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