a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
