Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
