literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
