is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
