If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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