I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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