Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
