The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
