This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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