so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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