maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
