i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
