I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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