Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
