i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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