If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
