u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
