Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
