I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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