"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
