So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
