Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
