Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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