Is it because I queefed?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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