I don't remember. Are we still dating?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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