How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
