I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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