I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
