Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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