Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
