He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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