that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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