It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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