I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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