what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
