i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
