omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
