He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize