Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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