Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
