I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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