Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
