She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
