Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
