did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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