Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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