I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize