return my video game
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
