im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
did i walk over a car last night?
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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