There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
