Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
