my phone cant type all the emotion im having
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
