i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
