someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
