I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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