about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
