Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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