people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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