I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
