just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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