I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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