You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
