I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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