week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
