I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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