I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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