She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
