4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
