Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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