I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
