So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
