I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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