You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
