woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
