Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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