I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
