im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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