some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
