Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
