If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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