Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
