So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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