So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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