you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
